How about them beans

Recently a co-worker asked me what mouse poop looks like. For a brief moment, I paused and thought,
"Why are you asking me this?" Then I realized that I, in fact, know shit.

Seriously, I have a decent amount of knowledge about poop. I not only know what mouse poop looks like, I can identify chicken, cow, llama, rabbit, horse, deer, cat and dog poop.

If you spend much time with llama people, or goat or sheep people, for that matter, you'll probably overhear at least one conversation about poop. We like to talk about it.

By examining poop you can tell all kinds of things. Runny poop can indicate parasites. Normal-looking poop can be examined under a microscope to reveal less obvious parasites. And, there are different types of parasites found in poop.

Llamas poop beans. Think deer poop or Milk Duds. Beans usually hit the ground individually. If they're clumped together like baseballs you either have a llama that needs water or is eating a lot of grass. Color is a determining factor.

Poop is a good addition to compost. Llama poop can also be mixed with water and made into llama bean tea to feed plants or spray on plants to deter deer. That may be true for other types of poop too, but I specialize in llama poop.

Dogs think any kind of poop is a special kind of appetizer.

I have found that shoveling poop is actually pretty good stress relief. I joke that I shovel figurative poop at work and literal poop at home.

I have made my niece a chocolate birthday cake with Milk Duds piled on top and told her it was from the llamas. I thought it was funny. She was not amused.

We've bagged some poop and sold it. Our brand is "Poo-poo-pee-do." Now come on, that's funny.

I once worked a photo shoot that involved exotic birds. I found out that birds lack certain muscles and therefore poop something like every three minutes. They're not ideal creatures for studio photo shoots.

Having realized that I know shit, I withdrew a Post-it Note from my desk and drew my colleague a picture.

"Here," I said. "Here's what mouse poop looks like."

"Hmmm. I was afraid of that," she said, as she walked away mumbling something about the cabinets in her new apartment.