Christine reincarnated

This looks like a photo of a normal man on a normal lawn mower. Neither of which would be true. This is a picture of an insane man on a possessed lawn mower.

My husband has been using this old lawn mower as, well, most people might use a four-wheeler or golf cart on a farm. We retired it as the official lawn mower a few years ago, but he has continued to use it for such things as hauling trailer loads of llama poop and mulch around.

Recently the lawn mower began to rebel. Remember that old, horrible movie Christine, about the possessed car? We've decided she's been reincarnated and has returned in the form of our old lawn mower.

It began with the brakes gradually going out. Then, one day my husband cranked Christine up and it took off - self-propelled - head first into a brick retaining wall - with him on it. He came in the house and told me about it, noting that the hood was now bent so it would no longer close.

Next, he decided to strap a tank on the back of her so he could ride around and spray weeds along the fence. He started down the driveway toward the barn. A few minutes later he called me from his cell phone. "Can you bring the Jeep and come get me?" "Where are you?" I asked. "On the driveway," he said. "Why do I need to come get you?" I asked.

Apparently, the drive belt had broken. "It nearly killed me," he said as we hooked Christine up to a tow strap to pull her out of the drive. Once she was out of the way, he got in the Jeep with me and we started back to the house. We got to the incline directly in front of the front door, and he stopped the Jeep and hung his head out the window.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "This is where the belt broke," he said. "I'm looking for parts. I heard them flying everywhere."

My eyes were wide. He hadn't told me that the drive belt had broken about 300 feet up hill from where Christine had came to a stop. "I told you she nearly killed me," he said. "I think I could race NASCAR now."

Two days later, he finished making a series of repairs on her at the barn. Having tested the brakes and replaced the drive belt, he proceeded to drive her back to the house.

I happened to be on the back porch when I heard a it - Wham! "Mark's trying to fix the hood on the lawn mower," I thought. Just as I heard it a second time - Wham! This time, I stopped what I was doing and headed toward the noise. Wham! I heard it a third time. When I spotted Mark, he was standing beside Christine, rubbing his head. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Running into the garage door," he said. "Why?" I asked. "Well, I didn't do it on purpose," he said. Apparently, the brake repair didn't last that long.

The next day, he worked on her some more. He put the parking brake on and left her running long enough to put his tools up. His plan was to use her for yet another chore. But she had other ideas. When he returned, she was driving around the yard, heading toward the dog lot. I didn't even ask how he stopped her.

Finally, he decided to use this to his advantage. He hitched up a trailer full of llama beans and headed for the garden. He left her in gear with the parking brake on, and as planned, she motored forward at just the right pace for him to shovel the manure off.

Since then, they seem to have come to terms with each other again. He's managed to ride her a few times without any major incidents. Personally, I'm staying clear and out of the way. I'm thinking he wore her down, and it's just a matter of time before he pisses her off again!